It can not be me, is it me…

It can not be me, is it me…

Confusion manifest itself in lack of knowledge, feeling that we are one and know each other well since we know thyself, It can not be me is like saying it can not be her which means it can not be… so is it me...

No I do not always feel that I have a fair shot since our relationship has so many rules and other guidelines that others did not have to follow so I am doing the best that I can with limited resources so it can not be me. However, not saying this is what happen but if, I was told about my lack of resources and agreed, making it legally binding and make it me…Thinking, is it me...

Please, I do for her soul, it pleases my soul, and at times I may have slipped not discrediting stories from others untold. You know, questions from people all in our business. Listen, others did not have to. And she hid not their love and affection, out in the open their love and affection. You know what, thinking, if it was brought up by me to be more professional and out of the limelight, with our love life and we both agreed means I being so in love, spoke very much prematurely, of this unspoken love which was causing the joy I have in my heart about bust, bust, bust!... That is good right; or maybe injured her trust, thinking she was ashamed of me and did not celebrate me… Wrong was me, is it me...

You know it can not be me, I only love her but when we speak it later escapes me since I feel like I am struggling for a position with her. No no no, it is not like she does not let me know my position and I hear it all of the time but surround my positions are things others before me where missing and now my lips she is kissing so why do she not let the world know of me? Tell me, I am listening as I ask thee, knowing divine direction, is it me…

Now I see,

Nothing done in malice, now I truly see I was careless, thinking of the goodness of me, blinded me. Intentions are not always to be mentioned when the out- comes in non-agreed dimensions. It could be me, if I went against her trust to extend my so call good intentions. Now I just want her to oversee the flaws in me, as stepping stones to better me and for her to realize that I realize; I now see, it is me...

                                               My Eve, It is me…

                                                              "C4 aka CHAOS"

P.S. Please show support downloads as many tracks of my music as you like at www.cdbaby.com/artist/chaosakac4

Do she believe in me, is she ashamed of me, where do I go...

Do she believe in me, strong back, upright walk, commanding voice, age never mattered, I was breed to be a man. Is she ashamed of me, best keep secret, seem to belittle me, said to be the best she ever had, well why do I feel sad?

Does she believe in me? I would love her, protect her against man’s evil, embrace her with GOD’s Grace, appreciate her curves but always look her in her face, so beautiful. Is she ashamed of me, do I walk funny, not look good enough, I mean I know I do not always dress on the fly but I think I dress, good… E….nough.

Do she believe in me, Like the president secret service agent I would take the bullet, jump in front of her eyes opened so I can face the bullet. Ashamed is she, maybe I do not hold her enough, do not display my feelings, on my shoulders enough.

Believe in me, does she? Know my heart over the words that my mouth is speaking, overstand my words, through the confusion of nerves. Feel safe with me when nightmares invade her dreams, Eve I am right here, I am not going nowhere, as softer breathing replacing your screams. Yet ashamed you seems.

Well, do she? Believe that I am a man first, a boy never, just young in love but mature clever. Ashamed she should never, I celebrate her, she should celebrate me, but I fear for whatever reason, she is ashamed of me.

Believe in me…
                                         Where do I go from here...
                                             "C4 aka CHAOS'
P.S. Please show support downloads as many tracks of my music as you like at www.cdbaby.com/artist/chaosakac4

I will beg...

I will beg,

Lord extends me a chance, and I will beg. Pride I have not, vision of what my life would be, without thee scares me, I do not want to be free. Free of your mercy and never knowing your grace, and so I pray…

Living on this planet has weakened me. Consumed by my flesh, my flesh consumes me, overwhelmed by sin, not much moves me. Yet you strengthen me and gave her to me. Soul mates… And so I pray.

I asked for a beautiful wife, respectful kids, so I can give them back to you and you can be happy of how your son did. Here, my wife and my kids. Giving them back to you to praise your name, infect the world with goodness as you. They are you. “Greater is he that is within me, than he that is within the world” well if you rule over me and reside within my girls, more than the devil of this world, than the strength is within me.

As I her Adam and she my Eve, have I wronged my Eve in some way that would cause you to take her away from me? Did I receive her and start to neglect you? Have I started to pray less, no cause I pray more and now that my mate is happy with my soul, I pray more than more.

I thank you when the mate of my soul is kissing me, I acknowledge you my GOD within my day as it weakens me and you repeatedly strengthen me. I put others before me and only now ask you can I pray for me as I have pray for so many others, can I ask for happiness when I have put others happiness before mines, time, after time, after time…

Am I being less of my human gender, a man, which begs? Well checking my ego at the door, she is worth that and so much more. Never at the extent of neglecting you my LORD, but she is my EVE to help praise you my LORD. To help raise kids to exalt you holly name my LORD. She is my life’s link that is missing, I have her heart but the devil is running rampet through our lives, interfering with your plan, give us a clear head to deal with the madness, and a prayer to pray to remove the sadness… If need be, LORD, I will beg…

I know no pride, I feel no pain, and I am num to my ego, on my knees in the rain. As such to hide my tears, begging my president for CHANGE. Or am I even worthy to have a better life, less confusion, to come inside for a CHANGE. Shed no tears, hiding from the rain. I feel no shame.

LORD I will beg.