She says...

She says…

She says she loves me, I know that is true. She knows I love her because of what I say, and the things that I do…. For you, I mean her.

She said these things that infect your mind are merely temporally; well that is what she says. Time is showing I am getting less time and more time to comfort his mind. But I should not worry cause she would not break my heart well, that is what "She says..."

She says she has the perfect man in me and that, influences me… She is all about me and that allows my worries to be free. Her nights are with him, now my worries plagues me… But; She says…

She says she do not hold everybody hands, yet she holds mines with such conviction, she says she do not kiss just anybody, yet her lips graces mines daily. Should I worry if she treats him as she treats me, kiss him as she kisses me; hold his hands, not missing me. Does she say the same things to him as she has said to me… Come down baby she says to me, over the phone as she comforts me; She says…

She says I love you to me, and my heart slows down. When I see her walking towards me, life slows down. She is like a California commercial walking towards me in slow motion, hair blowing in the wind, she sees me as her man, throw many men. I can hear every footstep, and my heart seems to be beating so loud. We are always surrounded by others, yet only two in a crowd. Soul mates, she says…

She says one thing when I am worried, it comforts me, and she says I love you and it authenticity is therapeutic to my past like a doctor it heals me… But now she is not with me and I wonder how does she comfort he, when he is not me… The things; She says…

She says do not look at this as me leaving you because I am coming back to you, I say to be so close to my heart it is hard to see her in the distance. To not be able to distinguish the lies from the truths she says believe in us, well I believe in her yet fear for us, she communicating less is hurting us. Trust; She says…

I love her but I trust life yet I can not ignore what … She says…

Should I worry bout how I feel or listen to what…
                                She says…

                                                                 “C4 aka CHAOS”

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Oh Lord, HELP ME...

All my life I felt complete, half of my life I felt incomplete.... I only remember the half... Oh Lord, will you help me...
I have been up, and I have been down, I have been strong, and I have been weak, I only remember being weak... My tears, my fears, Oh LORD, will you help me...
I found a compliment, completeness, another half, she is with another half and I miss her so, LORD, Oh LORD, will you help me...
We use to talk every night, Laugh everyday, smile when we are silent, disagree yet never violent, two of a kind so close to one, the perfect pair, now no calls, no laughter, I wonder if she knows my pain or even cares ...ever, Oh LORD, will you help me...
I use to think I knew myself, now I feel like somebody else, I use to think she was mines, I wait by the phone wasting time, LOVE do not LOVE no one and time waits for no one, I am along by myself as one. There is no one to talk to. Questioning if she ever loved you and there is no one to hold on to, has anyone ever loved you. Oh LORD, will you help me...
I use to rush to sleep just to see her the next day, hate to sleep if she were sleeping face-to-face, fearing that I would miss her too so much if I closed my eyes, or fearing I would wake-up... Than I woke up. Oh LORD, will you help me...
Now I fear the night and the a.m., because neither one of them... have you in them, LORD where is my baby, I do not want any other women. Oh LORD, will you help me...
I have called and no answer, should I call her again, she always answers, should I let go, is that your answer, LORD, will you answer...

Oh LORD, will you help me...
                                                         “C4 aka CHAOS”
P.S. Please checkout my music at www.cdbaby.com/cd/chaosrap . Please show support by purchasing all the tracks that you like.

Transient Relationships

I love my family, my beautiful wife and divine kids, and my many lifetime achievements I have achieved and succeeded.

I go to work on the early AM and return home on the Late PM. I am a provider for my family. No balancing check books with rubber like tendencies, she wears the finest clothes and buys the finest luxury... yet I have never seen. No time here, I must work hours of exhaustion without any caution, to feelings.

My kids are so talented, sports to music, music to sports my job and long hour payed for that, from the calicis on my palm to the pain in my lower back, I paid for that. Yet I have to work from the early AM to the late PM so I miss all music recitals and the parents at the games do not know my face or my name, am I still paying for that.

I love my family, I work so that they can have, I work harder so they will be free, but the more I work, the more they ask to see me. And that's free.

At the office so much she notice me, inside her so much she no-this-is-me, I love my family.

Do not really think it is wrong, I would be here anyway, I am hardly ever at home, and work is where I stay.

My wife says "You seem distant" I say " I'm just tired" she said that is funny, when you got that phone call, just now walking out of the room you seemed wired" ... I love my family.

Rushing out in the morning, I have a to, do to get this paper, I know I am off today, kids recital and game day, but there is money to be made... and tend to my aid. However please do not confused the two, I am not a cheater, I am only with her to passed time when I am way from home... why am I away from my family, my conscious ask... I ignore.

People do not prioritize, their family want compromise, or be isolated and it is work related. My life is consume with priorities but not prioritized, Work and infidelity has made me less than me. I love my family.

... But do they know me.

Eyes to GOD!

"C4 aka CHAOS"

What's my positon

What's my position,

I truly feel, i harbor no ill will, yet she hesitate,

fear of me being a mistake... What is my position.

To hold and to honor my woman, to love and respect her short comings...

I know my position.

Before I become her man I must already be a man, so I am a man first,

a Lover always, and a future her man to be... Please position me.

Confusion confuses me, because she asked GOD for me, yet do not notice me,

Her comfort notices me; because of our soul's compatibility she is unusually comfortable with me... what soul-mates are and is this my position.

Although the whole world went digital there still is some interference, he is many moons away, and knew her heart for 1460 days and yet still did not really know her... what his position is.

Although I am closer to her eyes, he is closer to her heart ...than I, there are many locks within the world but for every lock, there is only one key, and it resides within he... what is my position.

Am I to love her so much to let her go and if she loves me than she will return, I mean I know she like me a lot but love me not... what is this position.

I mean I have played the fool before, and been so overstanding that it left me standing alone, but with her is my happiness, and she makes me wrong so I'm right... am I wrong.

To want another mans happiness because he did not appreciate GOD gift the first time, to step back when stepping forward is the logical thing to do, to not be selfish and let another MAN correct where he fell short as a MAN... HELL NAH!

... That is NOT my position

My position is with her, wise with her, lay with her, wipe her tears away and let her know that she do not have to cry every time I do something that brings her happiness, hold her hand to guide her through the troubles of the world, letting her know that I respect her as a woman and I will protect her inner little girl;

If she wants me I am here playing my position, opposing all oppositions, and missing her when she is missing.

.... That is my position

My EVE...

"CHAOS aka C4"

Independent Women

I love my sisters. Strong and more than able to hold their own in this cold rough world. When I think on it I can not do nothing but smile. However, it hurts me to hear my sisters that use being "Independent" out of context. You should be able to pay your own bills. You made them. You should be able to buy your own materialistic things. You wear them.

But, do to us as men being so absent in our rolls as men, when you all run into a real man not only you have a hard time recognizing him as a man, you seem to be too strong and Independent to know when to be weak. And being strong is knowing when to be weak. I (CHAOS aka C4) at times will ask an opinon on an outfit knowing what my own opinion is just to let the person that I am with at that time feel like they picked out my clothes. I will confide in the person that I am with even if I am able to deal with an issue just to give them the since of me needing them emotionally. She is my equal. All that I am and yet all that I am not. She compliments me in every way and it is my job to let her shine dispite my abilities or lack there of. I know tht I am strong but I also know that with her and only with her that I am the strongest that I can ever be. So if Iam at my strongest and I do things to let her know that she are weaker than me by contstantly bringing her down just to lift myself up. This is what the government calls being counter productive.

So now ladies, not even showing you how this missguided state of "Independence" is biblically wrong however ask and I will, we as men messed up. We force you to play the roll of a father, bread winner, preacher, mentor, counselor, doctor, back bone and I want to say we see you but have we truly failed and now you are too strong to be weak. I love the fact that you can opperate on autopilate when fake mean have failed you so often, but when the tides have turned and GOD has shift destiney your way and broght your soulmate (a real Man) your way, "CHAOS aka C4" want to know from my strong, "Independent Woman":

Are you strong enough to be weak?

• Ask him to open up a jar when you can do it yourself
• Even though you dont need it because you know you all think a like, ask his opinion so he can feel you needed his help
• Tell him thank you for loving you when you know he couldn't if he wanted to
• In a crowd of people pull him aside just to say I love you
• Hold hime tight during an emotional part of a movie like you are about to cry, when in actuallity you know that he is... about to cry

So together we cry..

"Are you strong enough to be weak?"

P.S. Please do not forget to show support and checkout my music from my new album "Guilty by Association" and download your favorite tracks from www.cdbaby.com/cd/chaosrap2

"CHAOS aka C4"

"Mind Elevation"